ta-da! welcome to my world. :)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

lifeline.

Today has been so full of epiphanies, I don't even know where to start.

First off, is that taking risks are the coolest thing to do. I wouldn't say it's the coolest thing, but I highly recommend it. Just don't blame me if you have only so many "sana hindi ko nalang ginawa yun".

Second.

Well...hmm...I just realized that I really want something that I can work hard for, and that everything given to me, homework or whatever, I should do great in. Ewan ko kung bakit ganitong klaseng epiphany ang nakuha ko from the TV show The Hills* in MTV. HAHA. Ang labo nga eh. But get this, Lauren, the main character gets an internship in Teen Vogue. Ako naman, parang, that's what I really, really, BADLY want to do. Alam mo yun... Kaya nga the next time an opportunity comes up, I therefore should seize it. Bibihira eh. Baka pagsisihan ko pa. So, Candy, if you're looking for writers, EHEM! hahaha. Nah, just kidding.

Third.

Well, I have only changed so much. Hindi ko lang napansin. I was looking through my lifeline, a scrapbook I made for my guidance class in grade 6, and as I looked through it, parang ewan ko, I've been so carefree. Maybe it's time to have a more serious take in my life. Pero I was amazed hah. I found it cool, and it's something I really do treasure. I'm thinking nga eh, why not make a scrapbook on being 13? Really. I mean I probably won't forget this time of my life. The time when I made mistakes I would live to regret--and that's not bad. Haha!

Lastly.

Friends are still friends wherever they are. You know who you are. Distance tests friendships, but with YM and MSN and stuff, distance is nothing but numbers. I love you, Kat and Sof! :)

====

*The Hills: I'm kind of bothered about how it ended. Lauren chose her boyfriend over an internship in Paris. It's not stupid...pero I don't get it. I know someday I would. :)

kat and i. :D yey me! :)

and that felt fuckin good.

painful, still fucking good though. yeah.

ano ba alam mo?

ano ba alam mo?

POINTERS SA SS

Students ni Ms. Teodoro na walang pointers...ito na:

Pingkian
Vibora
Emilio Jacinto
Agapito Bagumbayan
Kalipulako
Taga-ilog
Jomapa
Dimasalang
Dimas-ilaw
Plaridel
La Solidaridad
Fr. Jose Rodriguez
Caiingat Kayo
La Liga Filipina
Marcelo H. del Pilar
Kawal
Bayani
kartilla
anak ng bayan

Study; Chapters 10 and 11

>> Credits to Sarah! I lab you.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

o2jam,shit,fire drill and balls.

*update //

OMFG my eyes are like going to pop out. Wow. O2jam's like, really addictive. That's what's been preoccupying me. hahaha! LOL.

Anyways.

Firedrill. We had a fire drill awhile ago. Real fun stuff. Ms. Escamillas, our P.A.-Food Technology teacher won't let us go because she's teaching us about where to put damn spoons after eating. Hahah. Napagalitan raw ni Sir Manaog. Awts...

About balls. Haha. Wag nalang. Baka ma'ban ako. LOL. Hahaha. Chaka baka may lalong magalit ehem.

I hate it when people think they're all "that". I swear. Someone likes them and they're like, "whoosh i'm hot get out". And then they play with the girls.

Wow. Bang. May natatamaan. Dapat lang. Naiinis ka sakin? Dapat lang. Naiirita ka na? Dapat lang. Pagsasabihan mo na ako? Dapat lang! Potangina may pakialam ka ba? Hindi mo alam eh! Uulitin ko ginawa ni Ian sayo.

Don't be such a an ass and wonder why I'm acting this way. Why I want to irritate your ass out, why I want you to get pissed off with me.

Because come on, you do have to know why.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sinasabi mo lang naman yan eh so i you would get rid of me.

fuck you asshole.

damn straight.

update later. sorry for the rage. i'll be playing o2jam. level 8! hahah. hey, i just started last monday! :-P

Sunday, November 26, 2006

way.

I want to write something here, but I can't seem to tap it all in. When I want to write about something, I usually go on and say something.

Something's missing.

I was supposed to talk about how I stayed up until 6 in the morning awhile ago, or how cute as magkuya I saw Piolo and Sam while guesting at the Sharon Cuneta show. I was also about to talk about how scared I am for Panky for being nominated.

I don't know. Whenever I start speaking of these things, they don't feel right. I want to say something here but...I don't even know what.

And one more thing I noticed, the comments totally went nil on me when I put the cbox again. Hmmm. what to doo...Comment please, they make me happy. Hahaha.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There, I seem to be in condition already. Look oh, they're having the Miss Earth televise. Hahaha. Kakainggit. Rocking body, Ms. Venezuela! Who I want to win? I don't know.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

oo.

Anyways, as I was going to ATC with my mom, I was listening to this song. I was supposed to put this on weeks ago, but I forgot. :)

ito na. props to up dharma down.

bear.

hindi mo lang alam naiisip kita
baka sakali nga maisip mo ako
hindi mo lang alam hanggang sa gabi
inaasam makita kang muli

nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaahasahang
panahon at ngayon akoy iyong iniwan
luhaan, sugatan, d mapakinabangan
sana'y nagtanong ka lang kung d mo lang alam
sana'y nagtanong ka lang kung d mo lang alam

ako'y iyong nasakatan
baka sakaling lang maisip mo naman
hindi mo lang alam kay tagal na panahon
ako'y nandrito parin hanggang ngayon para sayo

lumipas man ang araw na ubod ng saya
hindi parin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
kung ako'y nagkasala patawd na sana
ang puso kong hangal ngayon lang nagmahal

wooh, hindi mo lang alm akoy iyong nasaktan
o baka sakaling ngang maisip mo naman
puro siya na lang... sana'y ako naman
hindi mo lang alam ikay minamasdan
sna'y iyong mamalayan
hindi mo lang alam hindi mo alam

kahit tayo'y mgkaibigan lang
bumabalik lhat sa tuwing nakukulitan
bka sakali lng maisip mo naman
akoy nandito lng hnd mo lng alm
matalino ka naman

kung ikaw at ako ay tunay na bigo
sa laro na ito ay dpat bang sumuko
sana'y d ka na lang pala aking nakilala
kung alam ko lng ako'y iyong mssktan
narito, sana'y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

hindi mo lang alam akoy iyong nasaktan
o baka sakaling ngang maisip mo naman
puro siya na lang.. sana'y ako naman
hindi mo lang alam ika'y minamasdan
sana'y iyong mamalayan
hindi mo lang alam ohhh

malas mo
ikaw ang natipuhan ko
hindi mo lang alam ako'y iyong nasaktan

god save vicky.

I would like to thank God for giving me a sign that I shouldn't IM him. I might end up saying something stupid pa. Kung ayaw, wag na. I was thinking kasi kanina, while reading the December issue of StarStudio (ganyan ang walang magawa)...aba reinvention. Ako nga rin. Let's start sa buhay-puso. Tama ba naman yun. Buhay-puso=Lovelife. HAHAH.

So yeah, I am trying to fix the rut that I am in. To start off all things, I would try to open all forms of communication. IM, text (well, maybe not now. my line's busted, and my prepaid's got no credits.) and maybe, if I'm lucky, I would have all the guts to talk to him. God save Vicky.

I mean, what do you know. Maybe I'm the one who's making things harder. Also, it's not too late for almost-end-of-the-year life-fix. I need to reasses my priorities.

Oh God, what now. They're asking me to run to SM with our driver, Manong Tinoy because Mom forgot to pick up the jeans that she had altered and the belt that she had fixed. Ha, I won't go. I'm sorry, I won't. They should have asked me awhile ago, when I had nothing to do. And now I'm doing so many stuff, I'm so pissed off when they asked me to do it. Ewan ko nga eh, I suddenly got irritated when they asked me to go. Too bad they didn't insist on me going. Ha ha di hahah. :-p

Anyways, to what I was saying...I need to reasses my priorities, damn straight. Studies should, and would, go first. Then will enter friends, and love. I should also asses myself, I guess. Change what should be changed, or whatever. Be less crabby. As I am. Sunget. HAHAHA.

Would I be able to incalcate (wow man. deep. =)) ) these things into daily basis? There's no telling. But I'd do my best. I promised myself that I will. :)

collapse.

So, tell me is it right?
To feel like we're only getting smaller
And if we were to find the feeling
But I'm only treading water
We've made a few mistakes, it's not worth it to say
(we all fall for the sound)

'Cause we are the only ones, we will get up
And we are aware, 'cause we've been through it
And we are the only ones, we will carry each other on our own

Believe the sound when the truth will send you falling
You see the lights but your mind isn't open
Now I hear you calling
We've made a few mistakes, it's not worth it to say
(we all fall for the sound)

'Cause we are the only ones, we will get up
And we are aware, 'cause we've been through it
And we are the only ones, we will carry each other on our own

Open your eyes and let all the light in
Open your eyes up a little more
I'm sure it will soon come out

'Cause we are the only ones, we will get up
And we are aware, 'cause we've been through it
And we are the only ones, we will carry each other on our own

Open your eyes and let all the light in
Open your eyes up a little more
I'm sure it will soon come out

Haha. Collapse. Whoy they're gonna have a party over here at our house. 2 weeks ago, they had one. This time, it's for my mom's birthday. It's not a really huge party, just a "cosy gathering". Yeah right. Hahah.

Uy comment naman kayo :D Pleaaasseeee? :D :D

Friday, November 24, 2006

bummed and pissed, and what else?

This week's been pretty...well, bummer-ish. Hahaha. It's probably a 3 on a scale of 1-5. Nothing extraordinary, just an ok week. We had our getting of cards last Tuesday, and then our convocation last Wednesday. Right, mass last Monday. What else? We cooked, actually. For 2 days. Would have turned out pretty well except for the fact that I don't like liver. Hahaha. Eh what we cooked involved liver. If I ate liver, it would have tasted good.

Why the hell are we talking about liver again?

I was very tired kanina, grabe. When I returned from school, grabe all I could do was slump down on the couch and sleep. I skipped dinner. When I woke up, my head was aching like hell, and the next thing I knew, when I was looking at the mirror sa CR, my eyes were bloodshoot red. I don't know why. I'm just stressed. Pasmado nga ako ngayon eh, and I think it's because of stress. Dati naman 'di ako pasmado.

Grabe, stress? Hahaha. Ok ah.

Bytheway, natatawa ako dun sa post before this. Drama hah. And yeah, mom's gon' leave for the U.S. this Sunday. Birthday niya. WTF?! hahaha. One week lang siya dun. Good. One week,kaya kaya natin 'to?

Kaya yan.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

no love, remember?

Hahah. And since no one would listen to how agonizing my life has become, I will talk to you, my dear blogmates. Alam kong paulit-ulit nalang, pero please, talagang wala akong ibang makausap, except for some special people, about this matter. And somehow, these few people can't talk me out of anything that I'm doing.

I find you as such a gorgeous sight. Girls would drool over your broad shoulders, the body that seems to hide all those ehr...heaviness. And those eyes...I be damned if you fail to capture anyone. Pero kahit man itabi ako sa'yo, or whatever, you seem so distant. I don't know if I'm the one who's creating the gap, or you're the one who's making the distance. After all, you're the one who's making me feel singled out.

Pero alam ko na kung ano mang gusto ko mangyari ay hindi mangyayari.

Because what I want to happen...never happens. I want you to ease up. I want you to be comfortable with me. I want you to consider me as a friend. I want you to comment on this post. See, impossible 'no. It's like wishing for world peace to happen.

Ngayon, parang ayoko na mag-online. Kasi ayaw kong maabutan ka. And I don't want to get the burning sensation of I-wish-I-could-IM-you-but-I-can't. Ayoko na. Ayoko nga pumasok sa school eh. I'm the one who'll be telling you this. I love school. Used to.

But ironically, some things that I want to happen, ACTUALLY happened. And it's got me wishing things never happened. Nung naayos ko na yung isa, everything's back to normal, may bago nanamang problema. This time, more challenging, and a stricter time limit. 4 months. Nung una 6 months eh.

What am I going to do with you? Tingnan mo nga oh, paikot ikot na utak ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano sasabihin.

Wag mawalan ng pag-asa. Give me a break. Eh what if you don't have anything to hold on from the start? Wala kang inaasahan? Pano ka pa? That's what's juggling on my mind right now. Kung ok ba tayo o hindi.

I don't want you to look at me anymore. Because I love every glance that you give me. And that's got me hoping for something to happen. And I don't know why I bother so much about you.

I love you? No. I don't think so. And I don't even want to waste time thinking if I do or I don't. I don't even know what love is. Before, I'd be the first to accept the fact that I love a certain person...even if I really don't. And now that things are going this way, I'd be the first to deny that I don't love you.

There's no love, remember?

P.S. who i am talking about is not who it seems. he's not always the center of my world.

Labels: attraction.

blind item.

Laro tayo. Hahah. I have a friend. Hindi niya alam na nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa niya. Kasi tuwing kinakausap ko siya about something na nahihirapan na ko, bigla niyang iniiba yung topic. Siguro ginagawa niya yun para hindi ko ako malungkot, pero kaya nga ako lumalapit sakanya para may makausap eh. Siguro ginagawa niya para hindi SIYA malungkot, pero hindi ba parang pagdadamot na ata yun?

Lumalapit ako sa'yo, kasi alam kong maiintindihan mo. Hindi naman sa maiintindihan mo, pero alam kong makikinig ka. Hindi pala. Iba ka narin. Ewan ko lang. Siguro sawa ka na marinig mga problema ko.

Pero bawat oras na ginagawa mo yun, nasasaktan ako. You're one of the few that I've got. Unti-unti ka naring nawawala. Talaga ngang siguro, in the end of the day, you'd end up with no one else but yourself.

Pero kaibigan kita, at mahal na mahal kita. Siguro hindi mo nakikita yun. Hindi kita madalas na nakakausap, or kung ano man, pero mahal kita. Isa ka sa pinaka-malapit sakin. Kaya ko 'to ginagawa para malaman mo mali mo. Andito parin ako pag kailangan mo. Inaantay ko lang yung araw na magtatanong ka kung ok lang ako, kung buhay pa ba.

Sino ka nga ba?

Monday, November 20, 2006

tying neckties. hahahah.

Mass today. Oo, we were wearing yung mga gala uniform na pinagmumukha kaming...either

a) ilalagay sa kabaong

b) lilipad (ewan ko, sabi ni Hazel eh)

c) katulong mula sa Victorian era.

Tae. Hahah. Tapos Sir Aviles asked us to wear it, like, 3 periods away from the whole thing. Bloody hell, I can't stop saying bloody hell. Haha. I have finally externalized the British in me. LOL. So, yes my dear, if you're going to ask me, NAPAKAINIT, soliiid.

The only good thing about the whole mass ordeal, is that I get to tie neckties! Yeeheesss. Hahahah. I love tying neckties. I don't know why. Hahah. Getting ready for the future, yes? hahahah. But really, really, neckties are vair vair shweet stuff. hahah. I have a new hobby! Bloody hell.

On the other hand, we're going to have our PTC tomorrow. Hahah. I'm the top 6 of our class! I mean really, that was surprising--and not to mention great--news. Dati nga d pa ako umabot sa top eh. I'm like, what 23rd or something? Tpos biglang 6! Bloody hell! Eh alam ko naman na hindi ako ganung kagaling. Siguro I underestimated my powers. Nyahahaha. As in solid, you should have seen my face with the accompanying..."WHAT?!". I was so surprised. I mean, really really surprised. I CAN'T GET OVER IT. Nyahahah.

So while I get over my rank, and some more other stuff...go tie a necktie. wth? hahah.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

saturday.

Hindi naman kaya mag'break down ang PC ko sa dami ng processes na pinaprocess ko? hahaha.

Anyways.

Well, I was out the whole day. We were supposed to have breakfast in Pancake House, Manila Bay, but then everyone was up an hour or two later than the original time. Mom was supposed to meet her college friend, Jackie. Lahat kami pumunta nang inaantok, at ako, gutom. hahah. I was very hungry indeedy. That's why nung pagdating namin duon, order kagad. Jackie was atleast 20 minutes late? I'm not sure. So mom told us in a polite way..."to sod off". Hahahah. Ayun, kami ni Chiara, bummed around. Nung una sa labas, pero we got bored so we went to Starbucks. Hahahah!

Pagkatapos ng 2 oras na nasa Manila bay, we took Tita Jackie to the bus terminal. Eh malas nga naman may parada. Opening ata ng SOGO. Hahahah! OO astig. May mga trak puno ng ninja, may naka black, may naka'red. Ang baduy nung naka'red. Meron din isang trak merong mga sumo wrestler. Shet pare ang astig. Hahaha. Nga lang, wala silang mga geisha. Ironically, yun ang symbol ng kanilang motel chain. Hotel ba Sogo or motel? Ewan.

Ayun, we planned on going to...san pa ba?...Alabang Town Center, so that I could get new jeans. I need.new.jeans.Understatement of the year yan. Plus, I need shirts etc. etc. hahahah! Wala, since I wasn't in the mood to shop (Hala, shopping opportunity na nga wala pa sa mood), I just dropped the whole idea and told mom na manood nalang kami ng Casino Royale. Ayun. We dropped Chiara home, and went back to ATC.

Shet pare, kahit si Daniel Craig ay hindi kasing gwapo compared sa previous James Bonds, darling, he could act! I mean, really. Wala pa kong napapanuod from the previous Bond movies, but I could tell that this one was good. Probably one of the best action movies that I have ever seen. Pero kung tutuusin, I haven't seen much action movies. So come to think of it, It's between Mission Impossible 3 and Casino Royale. Siyempre, hands down, Casino Royale.

Astig talaga yung opening credits. Pare lupet ng graphics! Yesss. Chaka ang ganda ng storyline, wala ako masabi. hahah. Pero of course, it was based on Ian Flemming's book eh, so you really can't blame anyone in that department.

You should watch it. D nga, pramis, it's worth the money. It even convinced me to hunt down all the Bond movies and compare kung sino talaga ang pinaka'Bond-like sa mga Bond boys. Shweet!

Labels: weekends

Friday, November 17, 2006

damn straight.

Starting young is starting early on your life--a real life. You should know your priorities--and make sure you're prioritizing on the right things. You have to make sure that you put yourself first, but should not come out to be selfish.

To learn and accomplish this, my dear, is to be one of your greatest achievements in life.

Why do I say so? Because it's for me, it's so hard to do it. I've been raised putting other people first, and then I'm always second. But sweetheart, I don't think it's called loving when you don't even know how to love yourself. Recognizing your worth is a must. I am a hypocrite for saying this, because I can't even do it. But my dear friends, this is probably the best thing I could ever tell you.

Because I don't know how to love myself. And look who's suffering now. Hahahah.

Be damn straight with what you want, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Love you! :)

assume a new identity and die.

Have you seen the movie The Prestige? You know the part when Hugh Jackman makes multiple clones of himself, then kills the one that presented onstage, and then arrives back to his old rival, Christian Bale?

You know what, I want to make multiple clones of myself. Well maybe not multiple, one would be ok. One would be very fine. And then I'd kill that clone, and then I'd go to London and live a new life altogether.

Foolproof? No. But who cares?

I'm sick, actually. Very sick. High fever.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

maraming hindi nakakaintindi sakin. kung tutuusin bilang lang kung ilan. kahit ilang beses nilang sabihin na naiintindihan nila, pwedeng sinasabi lang nila yun. but then you'd never know. nakikinig sila...kuno.

oo lia, hunghang na gorilya ako. hahaha. kasi hindi ko alam kung ano gagawin ko sa buhay ko. kung mag-aantay, aasa, or give it all up all together. haay ang drama nga naman ng pagiging babae...at pagiging isang labing-tatlong taong gulang na estudyante ng pers year. oo marami akong drama sa buhay. kaya nga ako may blog eh. pero dalawa lang ginagawa ko... either pinagtatawanan ko ang problema...o umiiyak ako. oh diba. ano pa bang ibang pwedeng gawin diyan diba? ayoko naman nang patanga lang.

love? sus kalokohan. walang love. kathang-isip. fiction. hahaha. ang cynical ng dating.

pero nasa tao rin yun. kapag masaya ang buhay ng tao, maganda, matalino, mayaman, may boyfriend at kung ano pang luho sa mundo na kagustuhan mo ay nasakanya, siyempre love would exist. pero that doesn't guarantee happiness.

pero kung katulad mo ako, na walang likas na kagandahan, talento at ang tatay ko ay may kabit at hindi senator o kung ano mang prominenteng tao sa lipunan, siyempre walang love.

oh wag ka na magalit sakin, alam kong naniniwala kang may love.

isang araw mababasa niyo nalang dito, "oh golly wolly, i'm in love!". see. i always end up with my foot stinking in my mouth.

pero sa ngayon, there's no effin thing called love. malamang inimbento lang yan ni shakespeare. oh kung sinuman. probably...ehh...ewan ko. si newton siguro inimbento lang yan.

nabasa ko sa reader's digest romantic love doesn't last a lifetime. oh wag ka fact na yan. in a marriage, after a certain period of time, you can't rely on love anymore, you have to work it all out on your own. sa tingin mo bakit inimbento ang divorce, separation at annulment?

it's about accepting reality.

walang love sa mundo ko, atleast not now.

hallelujah.

The Long Tests are finally over. I am actually very scared of the results...which isn't so typical of me. Hahahah. Could it be that I'm gonna get a REALLY low grade? I'm just so scared :(

What else? Ho-hum. Remind me not to write any of the posts like the previous one. Why?! Just because. Hahah. I don't feel so good right now. I feel twisted, angry, happy, sad, hungry. Emphasis on the hungry part.

Oh and oh, did you know that whilst arriving from school yesterday, the whole house was locked? Well not really, the gate wasn't. But the main door wass!!! Daymn. I thought sila ate were just having a nap. They weren't home pala talaga! They went to SM. And then stupid me, I forgot that there has always been a spare key hidden in the umbrella! wahhh. So I waited for God knows how many hours. Haahah. It was funny though. :)

Haaay. Life is blurry. Hahaha. Lousy translation.

Waaah I'm so nervous about the LTs. :(

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jethro valerie encarnacion.

i miss you so bad bb. get well soon. i'm so sorry i didn't get to visit. sorry talaga!

get well soon. i'm worried about you.

xoxo.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

i just felt like blogging.

I am seriously in love with my layout. hahah. :)

Why I am here at such an inconvenient(oh daymn. i or e?!) time of the night, well, I don't know. I just feel like blogging before I plunge head first into our 3rd quarter Long Tests.

Oh scopila. LOL. She's got a new boy-toy. Who the stupid boy-toy, I don't know. All I could tell him is, good luck.

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TAE TAE TAEEEE!!!! @#!% scopata scopata. Pardon le French, but f***! Gahhhd why did I have to let my friend borrow my Scientific Calculator?! Now what, I have problems with it. What, you want me to bring the not-so small, regular calcu?! Ha ha, no thanks. I'd tell him to swap with me.

---------------------------------------------------

RIGHT. My mom has dawned reality upon thee (yak baduy.). Why he's not talking to me, my mom hypothesizes is that he has never been into a situation like ours. Remember that he's the hunk (hunk o' junk. de joke lang. haha lol. smartass yata yan), and I'd bet my life (well nde naman) that prolly, girls are the ones who get aggressive on him. Well, I'm pretty aggressive with him, pero hindi solid. Compared with the previous guys that I liked, ay grabe. I learned na talaga. Lol. Anyways, ayun nga. He's exploring new horizons (raw), so he just shies away from the whole damned thing and voila you have two seatmates who get mute when you put them together.

Ay nako pano pag mabasa niya to.

Hoy ikaw, ano ba talaga?! :P Talk to me...Tell me your name. Hala ang corny ko ata ngayon. Hahahahahahaahahah. :) Di naman ako nangangagat eh.

Snob. xp

Labels: walalangs.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

london

London has been a fabulous place. And I just can't seem to stop talking about it. She has given me many reasons to look back on the days when I stepped on her pavement, on her land, on her ground. It's a love relationship that I haven't gotten over up to now.

I don't know why London has been such a special place. Maybe because I was a British kid waiting to happen, or maybe I just found a foreign land so alien compared to our dear Philippines. Don't get me wrong, I've been to other countries, but how young have I been?! Six?! I don't remember much about how it felt.

I don't know what's about London that makes me want to go back. To go back for more. Maybe because there were still so many things left to see, I don't know.

In London I experienced riding a subway/Tube, walking all around without hailing a cab, crossing a bridge without a car, being into a 4-storey toy store and many more things. We hunted for that "blue-door" in Notting Hill. I went through 2 whole weeks without an iPod.

I don't know, at that sense I just felt that I was meant to be in London. It's like, I don't know, I belonged. Even if I was always in jeans, a jacket and Chucks. I love the climate, the goodlooking people. I used to hate walking. But being in London changed that. Drama, pero totoo! Hahah. I loved waking up in the mornings. Lolo's healthy breakfasts. Schweppe's. Pudding. Tesco's. Miss Selfridge. Blue Water. Haaay :(

You know what, it's like I want to live there. Prolly leave everything behind. And I don't know what you call this feeling. It's a scary feeling. A feeling that you're "ready" to leave people that you love behind. It's scary eh. I mean, iiwan mo mga taong mahal mo at ok lang yun?

Kaya the next time I go back to London, I know what to wear na. :)

Friday, November 10, 2006

gusto kong mabasa mo 'to.

Listening to: Story of the Year ; Borderline - Buckcherry ; Dashboard Confessionals

warning. puno ng bs itong post na 'to. drama pa.

I don't like what I'm feeling. I don't like it at all. When the feeling of security turns into insecurity, everything comes falling down. The day's bleeding into the night, I wish you'd know how I feel right now. I don't know how to say these without any of the drama and the cheesyness.

You make me feel so small in many ways. You're popular. Undeniably gorgeous. Made-from-heaven. Smart. It didn't take long for a certain idea to sink into my mind. The idea that you're perfect. You waste money like it came from your crap. You ease through life as a fly on a sunny day. Cool, calm, collected.

Why can't I be like that?

Kasi, you're different from me. Magkaiba tayo, kahit ano pa sabihin nila.

I don't know what to do so that you'd know how I feel. Say, yes, you know I like you. Pero that's not enough eh. The pain of not being able to talk to you while all I have to do is turn to my right side and say something is...how do I put it...unbearable. Sharing a room with you is painful enough. Not being able to say a darn thing to you is definitely rated as 1 on the scale of 1-10. If there's a lower rating, then let that be. But sitting beside you? Daymn, that's gotta hurt.

But I'll be real now. I like it, and I don't. I like it because I'm near you. I have to force myself to like it, because it was I who wanted it in the first place. I'm sitting beside you. Sitting beside the one that I like. How ideal is that for a girl? Not so ideal, that is. I don't like it in many ways. I go home frustrated everyday, because I can't get you to talk to me. Nobody seems to get how I feel. Walang nakakaintindi. Walang nagpapakita ng pagintindi. At kahit nasa tabi ko sila, wala. Wala din naman ako magawa sa problema ko, kasi hindi ko alam kung ano ang eksaktong problema. Siya o ako. Mahirap na katabi ka. Kasi I can't talk about you. Everytime they tease me, I can't comment on anything.

Ang daming mahirap sa ngayon. Mahirap dahil umaasa sa wala. Mahirap kasi may gusto ka sa isang taong walang gusto sayo. It's hard to accept reality.

Mahirap tanggapin na wala ka talagang pakialam sakin. Dahil para sayo, seatmate lang ako. Seatmate at hingian ng homework.

Monday, November 06, 2006

seatmates.

I don't know what came to Miss Marcos' mind, but she made us change places. From being seated by class number, we're now seated by height, except for...well, some exceptions. Supposedly, my seatmate on my left side should be Lenard, but Carl attested to the whole idea of not seating at the last row, so he switched with Lenard. At last I have someone nearby to talk to, besides Angelique. Josh stays at my right side. Hahaha. We are all in the last row. Imagine, from being in the very first row, to transferring at the last one. Whew. Hahah. Needs some getting used to.

If you're going to ask me if I like it or not, well...i like it and don't. I like it because, well, Carl and Angelique are near. Carl is a very funny mate, I'm telling you. Whooy. Hahah. And Ange is near me. Plus I'm in the center of the last row, so I get a pretty cool view of the whole blackboard. If I run out of ideas, I could always look out the window. I'm also near to the back door. I don't like it, because I get uncomfortable, if you get what I mean. If you don't...hahaha... Can't doodle like I used to, sing with my "singing mate", Renzo. But I can still laugh as much and as hard. Hehe.

But whatever, I'll prolly enjoy this sem. And I would try to talk to my seatmates. Ohyeah. hahah.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

top.

I hate doing this. Breaking things, if you know what I mean. I just recently announced that I am going on a hiatus...and here I am. Remind me NOT to do that again. I hate it, but here I am. Utter and complete foolery.

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I have always been a part of the top section. No, I'm not being showoff-ish, but that's a fact. I've never experienced being "out there" with other people, because I've practically had this circle of friends who have been with me for 3-5 years. Maybe less, but still the same. I do have friends out of my section, but then again. My "barkada" has always been people from my section.

And I do find it appalling AND disturbing when people lable students kagad-kagad. On the spot, click, mayabang, maarte or something kagad sila. It irritates me.

It's just that most of these people haven't been with us. Haven't "known" na pareho lang kami sa kanila.

It's hard kasi eh. Matalo sa isang contest, and they're like, OMFG! Kapag panalo naman, they're like, lagi naman sila eh.

It's irritating! Ano yun, maarte kagad kami? We're just like you guys. Kasalanan ba na nag-aaral kami mabuti? Is it our fault that we try hard? Is it our fault that we try to do good? NO. It's just that maybe there's something wrong with those guys.

Nobody has told me face-to-face that he/she doesn't like me regarding the whole "being-in-the-top-section-thing". Pero some of my friends have been affected, and it bugs the HELL out of me.
Naging "top" lang maarte na. Are you kidding me?

It's just that you would never understand unless you've become one of the students from the top section.

I just find it entirely appalling in childish.

So please, please don't think that way of us.

Friday, November 03, 2006

new post

I got tagged by Charlene! : answers in: http://biksters.blogspot.com

Sorry, I didn't tag anyone. Anyhoo, anyone who wants to be tagged can "tag" themselves. hahahah.

sabi nga ba hindi ko 'to kakayanin eh.

Livejournal's taking a lot of time to load, I have to refresh it endlessly. Since I can't take it anymore, then I just decided to drop by my blog.

So you may be asking why I suddenly went into hiding. Well, I just found blogger too high-maintenance. But I still love it. When I finally decide to do my regular blogging routine, I promised myself a new layout. I mean, I DO love this layout, I love it a LOT, and it took me LOADS of time to make it, but...I just don't feel it right now. Plus, it still needs a lot of fixing and cleaning up. You know me, I'm a perfectionist to the first degree.

What's wrong with me?! Well, right now I feel gulay. Grabe kanina I was full of endless energy, screaming without any reason, singing off-key, bumping our neighbors around... And then suddenly...WOOSH. I'm vegetable...s hahahah! This week, also: bitter colds, disturbing muscle aches, and unbearable migraines.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Sheesh. Maybe I just need to relax. Just in time, I think we're going shopping tomorrow. =D I think. I hope. Mom's such a dog when we shop. She's always tiresome. Not exactly a good quality in a shopping mate. But alas, my dear mutti is the one with the money, and I cannot go anywhere without thee. I love you mommy. =D

It's been 10 days baby. 10 days. Oh bloody hell. You went online and I didn't even get to catch you. Bloody.Hell. I need to talk to you. I need to fulfill that need. Pleeasse.

Funny, I used to go on 10 days seeing you,without talking--even more than that. Just to find out that 10 days without seeing you is more worse. You've suddenly become unreachable.