why am i so depressed these days? is it part of puberty?
i always feel bad. =((
this, by far, is my most frustrating, degrading, and mmm.... confusing part of my life.
the part where i have to love one person and i have to be so fickle-minded and then the rest is history...which, repears itself. i ruin my life. like i always do.
but now, it's worse. worse that ever.
because this time, i'm sure i fell for him.
it's not JUST a crush. it's real love. the genuine article.
hoo...but God has a knack for ruining my life, so the guy that i like either.... has a girlfriend or is head-over-heels in love with another girl.
oh crap.
now, what, i help him with the girl. they're in a some kind of a relaxonship. MU, i say.
ouch. my past crushes have had girlfriends, for Peter's sake.
eh bat ngaun? it's just a plain crush.
why am i hurt this way?
i mean, before, j even used to talk to me about their monthsary.
now, i feel like something stabs my heart every time she talks to me about him.
how he's sweet. how it's nakakakilig. how... how... he's so perfect. how he's so wonderful. even how irritating he is. even how she wants him to talk to her.
it's an instant mood swing when she talks about him. it's like...woah! it's such prettyful day! then the next thing u know, it's bLah. humbug.
haay. u kno wat? if i had just one wish. [uy, song un ah] i wish that i can turn back time, then i wudnt have to ask ms. a kung sino sa tingin nia is the "perfect guy" for me. then , she wudnt have to answer it's him, then i wudnt have to have a crush on him, then i wudnt start texting him...and u kno wat happens next. no, actually, that's a wrong wish since i myt have fallen for him, even tho i ddnt ask ms. a eh. so the perfect wish is...
I WISH I NEVER BECAME HIS SEATMATE WHEN I WAS IN G*
i dnt wana say what grade.mi fwnds myt find out hu. he even myt stumble to my blog and find out hu i'm talking about.
hoo... life is so crappy. i wish i never became his seatmate. then, i wudnt have to find him interesting and even before, had a crush on him. i ddnt even realized that i've fancied him since before. since i was in greyd *toot*. hoo. i only realized it now. just now. i ddnt even realize that there's something in there. for him. i'd smile when i see his name somewhere, i always look for him, even after the year that we have been seatmates. that i smiled and slept happily when he texted last o8.28. i remember the date.
it's not safe to say that i love him because he makes me smile, he makes me happy...etc. etc.
i always feel that way naman when i have a crush eh. atleast, dun sa last two crushes.
pero iba ngaun.
i've grown a two years older. [since the f incident]
old 'nuff to realize that when i sulked over f... it was dumb and stupid. not to menxon, low.i was forcing myself to sulk. maybe because i needed drama in my life, ionno. there are a lot of possible reasons. yes, it still embarrasses me thinking about it. that's so childish.
now, i have a valid reason to sulk and to be depressed.
i'm insecure and the love of my life loves another girl.
now that's valid.
don't tell me that's not.
i've never been so insecure in my life.
rather, jealous.
maybe both.
i don't know.
....
NEVER
never have i felt this way
never have i wanted anyone today
never have i needed someone
never have i wanted for someone to love
never have i longed for someone's voice
never have i longed for your reply
never have i wanted for your caress
never have i wanted for you to kiss
never have i felt so sad
never have i felt sa bad
never have i ever missed
someone like this.
never.
have
i
loved
someone
this way.
...........
that's the poem that i made. not much of a poem tho.
well, i guess that's it for now. full of sappy rubbish.
hope u forgive me foh dat.
anyway...
alabshoolotz.
vickie.