ta-da! welcome to my world. :)
Friday, November 10, 2006
gusto kong mabasa mo 'to.

Listening to: Story of the Year ; Borderline - Buckcherry ; Dashboard Confessionals

warning. puno ng bs itong post na 'to. drama pa.


I don't like what I'm feeling. I don't like it at all. When the feeling of security turns into insecurity, everything comes falling down. The day's bleeding into the night, I wish you'd know how I feel right now. I don't know how to say these without any of the drama and the cheesyness.

You make me feel so small in many ways. You're popular. Undeniably gorgeous. Made-from-heaven. Smart. It didn't take long for a certain idea to sink into my mind. The idea that you're perfect. You waste money like it came from your crap. You ease through life as a fly on a sunny day. Cool, calm, collected.

Why can't I be like that?

Kasi, you're different from me. Magkaiba tayo, kahit ano pa sabihin nila.

I don't know what to do so that you'd know how I feel. Say, yes, you know I like you. Pero that's not enough eh. The pain of not being able to talk to you while all I have to do is turn to my right side and say something is...how do I put it...unbearable. Sharing a room with you is painful enough. Not being able to say a darn thing to you is definitely rated as 1 on the scale of 1-10. If there's a lower rating, then let that be. But sitting beside you? Daymn, that's gotta hurt.

But I'll be real now. I like it, and I don't. I like it because I'm near you. I have to force myself to like it, because it was I who wanted it in the first place. I'm sitting beside you. Sitting beside the one that I like. How ideal is that for a girl? Not so ideal, that is. I don't like it in many ways. I go home frustrated everyday, because I can't get you to talk to me. Nobody seems to get how I feel. Walang nakakaintindi. Walang nagpapakita ng pagintindi. At kahit nasa tabi ko sila, wala. Wala din naman ako magawa sa problema ko, kasi hindi ko alam kung ano ang eksaktong problema. Siya o ako. Mahirap na katabi ka. Kasi I can't talk about you. Everytime they tease me, I can't comment on anything.

Ang daming mahirap sa ngayon. Mahirap dahil umaasa sa wala. Mahirap kasi may gusto ka sa isang taong walang gusto sayo. It's hard to accept reality.

Mahirap tanggapin na wala ka talagang pakialam sakin. Dahil para sayo, seatmate lang ako. Seatmate at hingian ng homework.