listening to:
- twenty twenty surgery - louder now - taking back sunday
- gone so young - the possibility and the promise - amber pacific
- the kill - a beautiful lie - thirty seconds to mars
- no one cares to listen
- no one's interested
- no one understands
- no one knows the truth
Yes. Well, I'm having my drama moment now. Yeah, well I would call myself the drama queen, before my friend Angeli came into the blogging world. She overruled me, though. Ha ha. Peace, buddy. Save the turtles! Wait, do the turtles need any saving?
So anyways, I feel utterly confused right now. You don't have to read this post if you don't want to, I'm pretty sure it's going to be long anyway. Or whatever, I'm not really certain. (:
Here goes.
***
listening to:
- the faint of hearts - coheed & cambria
I don't know why I keep on living this lie. Maybe because it's what miss and my mum suggested doing? You know what, it's going on very AWFULLY. Awfully with the capital A, W, F, U, L, L, Y. Gusto ko sumigaw. Kasi ayoko na talaga yung nangyayari. Wala naman din ako masabihan. Ngayon kasi, I don't think I'm imagining things anymore. Things are happening for real already. And for once, I don't know what to do, 'cause this has never happened to me, nor to anyone else.
Oo, sometimes I wouldn't think of it, but that's because I'm just thinking of the lies that I've said. The number of lies that keep on spindling into one big gigantimous web. And maybe sometime, I'd be a fly that would not be able to get out of that web, trapped by the spider who would want to eat me.
But then, maybe it wouldn't be so bad being the fly, because I'd die already, and it ends there. In one swift motion, the spider will get me [forgive the term, I don't know how spiders tackle their...ehem...prey.] and I'll die. And then I'd get reincarnated, and then I'll be a fly again, with my fabolous octagonal vision or something.
Wait, NO I am not going to feed you the I-want-to-die shit. 'Cause that's pure BS and yeah, as if the Lord would will me to die amidst all these wrong things going on.
But really, when you think of it, life would be pretty boring without these little shitty stuff that happen, don't you think so? I mean, everyone has them, the deciding point is how you, we deal with it. Yeah. In the end, it's up to you to make yourself happy--I guess. Not the people around you, not love, not money, not fame, not power. In the end, it's just you.
Just thinking out loud.
I'm living a bliss de la mess. People think I'm being peaceful, but really. It's a completely different thing inside of me.
I can't live on this lie forever. Well, maybe I wouldn't. Who knows. Maybe I wouldn't even remember these things 'till our 25th year Highschool reunion or whatever. I don't know, and I really don't want to think about those things.
I really AM distracted person. I can't seem to get on with what I'm supposed to be writing about.
Lies are bad for your health. Really. One lie can lead to another, and then the next thing you know, you're the fly in the web that I'm talking about.
Which, in my case is true.
I don't want to lie anymore. I want to be true to thyself.
One question.
How?
Labels: lies, love, notforthefolksbuttheyseeitanyway, pain, pessimism