ta-da! welcome to my world. :)
Saturday, April 07, 2007
inner peace and forgiveness

My foot is, once again, stinking in my mouth. I feel so guilty and I feel so awful about what I have done to someone, who did nothing wrong to me. Ok nga kami eh. Ako pa gumagawa ng problema... Grabe, I feel so awful talaga.

I want to say sorry to this person. Maybe she doesn't know she's the one I'm talking to... or rather, talking about here. Pero just for the sake of my inner peace, (which does mean a lot to me), I want to say I'm sorry. Ang tanga-tanga ko. I feel like crying right now. I've misjudged her, and have done stupid things behind her back.

Oh dear, my brain is starting to scatter all over the place.

And then I realized, that I'm wasting my time over people who doesn't deserve something as precious as it. I have been a complete and utter fool, if it's any consolation to the people who I have hurted, people who I have bored to death, people who I have forgotten because of them. And maybe, just maybe, they weren't the people I thought they were. I don't know; I am not in the position to pre-judge them at all, since I really don't know who these people are. I cannot fathom what the hell went through my mind. I risked so many things. Friendships, time, ideas, my sanity, even who I am. I just realized awhile ago, that if they can't accept me as I am, the uncoventional, loud, quiet, quirky, queer, crazy, fat, Jollibee-loving, grammar-conscious and the moody person that I am, then I say I'm sorry, 'cause I'll be hardly worth their time...and they'll be hardly worth mine.

I guess it all boils down to a few things. My self-esteem was in a wreck. People have stepped over me and hurt me so much...and yet I didn't care. Oh sure, they might have done it out of something completely unfathomable. But it doesn't matter right now. What they did was wrong, and it will always be. Persons (did I use it right?) who love themselves do not let other people step over them and mistreat them. People who love themselves do not go near people who hurt them. People who love themselves-- supposedly the group of people I belong to. But really, now that I have realized it, I'm wrong. Completely wrong.

And I guess my foot will never end stinking in my mouth, since Virgoans and September babies are known to be impuslive, frustrated and regretful. But never mind. It's for my inner peace anyway.

And maybe they will hate me more. But no one else can hate me as much as I hate myself. So I guess that hardly matters. I'm ready to say sorry to anyone I have wronged. And then I'll be ready to surround myself with people who actually love me. People who love me in real life, and not in my dreams.

xxx

Listening to: (or rather, listened to)
marc cohn - i hope that i don't fall in love with you
forty foot echo - drift
josh kelley - everybody wants you
katy fitzgerald - it doesn't get better than this

^^ all from the Prince & Me 1 soundtrack (yeah, the one that starred Julia Stiles :) )

xxx

P.S. cheers to inner peace and forgiveness! :)
p.p.s/p.s.s. if i have done you wrong, im, tag or comment. and explain how it happened, why it happened. then i shall say sorry.

xxx

names have been changed on purpose for security reasons.

WHAT?!